October seems so much darker than in years past. Maybe it is the acknowledgement of my shadow and working through the muck. Writing out thoughts and feelings and remembering the light. Here is a piece of me - both shadow and light.
Waiting. Working. Wanting. Need to wait for the right moment to come along. Is that not just prolonging the inevitable? A fine balance of waiting and making something happen. When is the time to make something happen? To act, to speak, to put forth effort there is the chance of rejection, of anguish. Opening oneself to the possibility. Raw and new, exposed for all to see and judge? Terrifying thoughts. My wall is comforting and soft. It has protected me from myself for 33 years. It has made me unavailable and weird and freakish at times. What lies behind it is even more wild and beyond ordinary. I walked this path alone, judging myself against others. Why do they get to feel more than I do? Why am I not seen? Why am I so different?
The wizard behind the curtain...or rather, behind the wall.
Wait. That is all I hear these days. Wrapped up and hidden from the world. Haven't I been so for years now? Energy keeps buzzing around my head and through my heart. It would bust out from me at any moment sparkling into a million pieces. Focus. Wait. Wait.
Wait and breathe. Healing. The plants and the stars. The circle enfolding me. Logic. I will be called upon to act soon enough. When and in what form it will manifest itself, I cannot say. It will be full of positivity, possibility, love, and serenity. Sacredness in all that is.
If I had the power to call forth the winds to carry my desires across the land to write spells that will bring only good. Yes, I will be a goddess. Speaking to the water, trees, and rocks with words of love. Leaving messages for others to be filled with light to the brim. Such power could be held in the vast essence of my being. For I am but one speck in the energy that crosses the Universe. We all hold reign over planets and galaxies, the stars and the ocean, the moss and the amoeba. We are responsible for our truths and each other's truths. We are one and the same.
Could it be just an imagination gone astray? It depends on what one's reality consists of - for certain the feelings held right now are real as touch, sight, sound, and taste.
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