meaning

i am the rustling of the leaves. 

i am the gurgle sliding over river rocks. 

i am the cool damp of soil.

 i am the silent green. 

meaningful words that is what i want, what i require. i tried to develop an essay on the forest this past weekend. hardly anything came out. then i tried free writing. here is what i wrote:

stripes, where do stripes occur naturally? on the beach showing the high tide line. stripes of whelk egg cases, seaweed and garbage. stripes on a bee bottom. tiger stripes. stripe. such an odd word. well, the whole of the english language is strange. oh how we should be speaking as in the days of victoria and edward. there is no more romance.  i have been having a hard time with words. i am succinct. perhaps that is my scientist self. the poetry has been lost. when i go to comment on a blog or facebook post the words are so deficient of my true meaning and want of expression. all that comes out is" beautiful" or "incredible". maybe i need to fast from meaningless vocabulary...

speak with substance. i know that i am capable. is it that i am simply holding back? not wanting to expose more of my self? but why? i once was one with hardly any inhibitions. yes i was, for a period of time. the negativity came and took a piece of me. the creativity? the meaning? or is it that i have reached my goal of being unattached? nonetheless, there still has to be meaning in my life.

take the meaningless out of the equation.

i am on day four of fasting from meaningless words and conversation. for my introvert self it is nice not having to engage in chit chat. there has less gossip and negativity coming from my mouth. sitting back and observing even more than my usual. unattached. aha! to be more meaningful, becoming more unattached? hmm...